Bravelove…not so Brave.

Tags

adoption, birthmom, birthmother, bravelove, grief, speaking out, trauma

We’ve all seen these types of pictures being put up all week by an organization called Brave Love. Their mission is  “a movement to increase adoption in the U.S” You may wonder why someone from Canada cares about this movement. It’s because the adoption industry has found yet another loop hole to sing the praises of adoption. The movement for Family Preservation has them worried. They see us everywhere, speaking of the anguish that comes from the separation of the natural family. I don’t care what country this is happening in, it’s not going to go unchallenged on my watch!

What Brave Love is doing right now, with their billboard campaign is ABUSE. I have covered in previous posts (Newly minted Birthmom, and Update to Newly Minted Birthmom) how the adoption industry has “changed” over the years, but this new campaign takes the cake.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not taking this lying down! These billboards have upset alot of my birthmother and adoptee friends who have been ravaged by this “brave choice” they speak of. So, without further ado, I’m going to get in your face real again!

These birthmothers (and company) have been brainwashed by the Adoption industry to think its acceptable, and even preferable to separate natural families from each other to make more “deserving” families of people who are willing to pay large sums of money for newborn babies who have no say in the matter, from mothers who are repeatedly told and I quote ” the single-most loving thing a mother can do is place her child with a loving, eager adoptive family.”

Whats even worse is that they are using the very women they abused to perpetuate the cycle of abuse on a new generation of women in a similar situation.

What is happening in this organization is an example of Stockholm Syndrome.

Stockholm Syndrome (also known as “terror bonding” and “traumatic bonding”) is a paradoxical psychological phenomenon in which hostages feel empathy and positive feelings toward their captors – sometimes, even defending their captors. Over time, a hostage victim may come to believe that the abuse he or she has endured was done out of kindness or love on the part of the captor.

You can find more information here. According to this source “Every syndrome has symptoms or behaviors and Stockholm Syndrome is no exception. While a clear-cut list has not been established due to varying opinions by researchers and experts, several of these features will be present” and it goes on to provide a list. The original has more bullets, I’m using the ones that are relevant here.

• Positive feelings by the victim (Birthmother) toward the abuser/controller (The Adoption Industry) – Birthmothers from this organization and others like them speak of the selfless and brave choices they make for their children. Remember my post Newly Minted Birthmoms, These people are wearing their “brave and selfless badges” on billboards! They encourage others to place children for adoption (very much like the abused turning into the abuser), while totally glossing over the fact that the child ALREADY HAS A FAMILY, and also gloss over the loss of your child as sad, and use phrases like “empowering” instead of the reality.

 

• Negative feelings by the victim(Birthmother) toward family, friends, or authorities trying to rescue/support them or win their release (“out of the fog”)- Brainwashed birthmoms will not hear any other view on adoption except the view of their agency or organization. They are encouraged to only speak to “positive” adoption folks, and to never question what they have been taught. (Many birthmothers come out of the fog when they give birth to their first parented child – and start working for adoption reform.)

• Support of the abuser’s (The adoption Industry) reasons and behaviors – This usually falls within the Abortion vs Adoption debate. “The idea of Brave Love began with a small group of people working directly with a local pregnancy resource center in Dallas. They witnessed their clients weren’t considering adoption as an option when faced with an unplanned pregnancy.” In other words, more women are choosing to keep their babies, but the list of hopeful Adoptive Parents is getting longer. Pro Adoption people feel that Adoption is the flip-side of Abortion, but really it’s not even the same coin. Abortion is a choice to carry a pregnancy or to not carry a pregnancy. Adoption is a choice to parent or not parent. So they have all the good little bee mommies running around with all the talk of “choosing life!!” Here’s the thing, The adoption industry needs them to promote adoption because they need more infants for couples to adopt. Its just that simple.

 

•  Positive feelings by the abuser (The adoption Industry) toward the victim (birthmoms, adoptees) Birthmoms get told how selfless and brave they are, and the grooming that goes on before birth and post placement, is designed to keep the new birthmother complacent until the revocation period is up. Some organizations even use a “buddy system” and have another birthmom with you “every step of the way” for (cough!) support. It is a form of coercion.

 

•  Supportive behaviors by the victim (Birthmoms), at times helping the abuser (The adoption Industry) – That one is obvious, just look at the picture of the billboards above.

 

• Inability to engage in behaviors that may assist in their release or detachment – Birthparents like the ones we are seeing on certain t.v shows these days are paid to promote adoption. In fact, even when their open adoption is struggling against a possible closure because they have now had another child (the same reason my sons open adoption was closed) they still have to speak the “pro adoption” rhetoric, or their paycheck will dry up, and they have another child to support now. In online birthmom support groups, any birthmom who expresses anything that is different from the ” I am so glad I chose Adoption”  and “Adoption is love” will be removed and banned from the group.

As much as I want to shake SOME sense into these people for perpetuating the cycle of abuse on women as part of a campaign to rustle up more womb wet infants for the adoption machine, I can’t help but also feel sorry for them. They are brainwashed hostages of the adoption industry.

I have witnessed the outrage, grief, and shock that these billboards have had on the community of birthmoms I know. I can only imagine how it affects a birthmom who is driving down the highway and didn’t know about the campaign, it’s big enough and triggering enough to cause an accident. I am so sorry to all my friends affected by adoption who have been hurt by this campaign. I am so sorry it’s timing is to coincide with Mothers Day…..the most triggering holiday in the calendar year. I refuse to celebrate birthmothers day, I am a Mother!

I ask that this post be a counter message to this campaign. If you don’t agree with what Brave Love is doing by promoting adoption on these billboards in this way, share this message far and wide, and leave a comment on this blog with your feelings on the issue.

#notabravelove

 

 

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